- Heya mate! How's it going?
- Hey. Welcome to The Irregular Riff...
- Woah, come on now, why so glum chum?
- Sorry, it's nothing.
- Is it because I was so rude last time we spoke? Those were the early days of the blog, things are picking up now.
- No, it's not you. You're the blog's biggest fan.
- Well, I'm not sure about that. But I am worried about you, there hasn't been a blog post in awhile. The last one was a cracker though.
- I'm just a bit glum that's all. I think I've heard the death throes of modern music.
- You what?
- Music has finally come full circle and gorged on its own juicy chorus.
- You're not making much sense. Have you tried a paracetamol? Normally works.
- I don't know why but I had so much hope you know, ever since the last album. But I should have known. I was let down then and I shouldn't have got my hopes up for a second time.
- What are you talking about?! Spit it out!
- It's Lady Gaga isn't it! It's Gaga, it's always Gaga!
- You're this glum about Lady Gaga? Friend, can I call you friend? don't rant about her as the death of music, there's so much worse out there, believe me.
- I know, it's just that I had some hope for her in 2013 when she released Artpop. I thought she was the mega star who could challenge musical norms, create something exciting and experimental. She didn't.
- But that was three years ago. Why are you telling me this now?
- Well, she's gone and released a new single hasn't she.
- Has she?
- Yes. What's more she only went and teased me with the potential of making something new and exciting again. It's like some kind of donkey and carrot situation and the carrot's just turned out to be some kind of mouldy orange sock on a stick and frankly, it's left me feeling like an ass.
- What did you think the carrot was gonna be?
- Only two of the best and most experimental producers of pop music of our recent times; Mark Ronson and Kevin Parker.
- Him from Tame Impala?
- The very same. They worked on this "Perfect Illusion", Gaga's new single.
- They're both great though! Uptown Funk's a blinder and Tame Impala are just brilliant!
- Well exactly! I thought if anyone could drag Gaga's potential for experimental, challenging and catchy pop into a song then they could but instead she's pushed them into the mud while she stands wailing and frothing at the mouth as she always has done.
- Come on let's hear this. It can't be that bad. Ronson and Parker are so good!
- I can't have it sully The Irregular Riff. This is a blog about good, upcoming music, not disappointing and insulting pop that's written by numbers and wiggles it's bum in front of anyone willing to pay the itunes fee.
- We need to hear this now. A fair and rational debate needs to be had.
- ...
- Oh God. Oh Lord no.
- It's not...
- One second, the wails are still rattling around my skull. Will be with you in a second.
- So ye, it's not a...
- Wait, still trying to get over that key change. Might take awhile.
- But I've got a pithy one-liner...
- Are you sure that Mark Ronson and Kevin Parker are on this?!
- Yep.
- It's just all so horribly bland isn't it? Why does she insist on belting it all out like that?!
- Ye, you'd expect them to be able to deliver the high-art-pop that Gaga keeps pronouncing her songs to be. But this is as far from a Perfect Illusion as...
- Ye, it's just so incredibly meh, and it's the lead single too!
- Can I say my one-liner now?
- It's neither perfect nor an illusion; it's so incredibly awful and oh so real.
- Well, there's my one-liner gone! Thanks, I'd have said it better too...
- It would have been better to have stayed an illusion.
- That one's quite good.
Lady Gaga
Perfect Illusion
Don't Know
Don't Know and Not Gonna Spend The Time To Look Up. Give Us Back Kevin Parker!
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